Let's be candid

I hate my family.

Social mores say I should love my family unconditionally.

I say fuck that.

They do nothing but try to outdo each other. They don't play nice with each other. At every gathering they try to put on a face of being one happy family. The paper thin happiness that they put up is obvious.

I'm sick of it.

The "cousins" as we call ourselves are always put into some kind of good-for-nothing competition with each other for no reason. Henry is doing that, Michael is doing that. Tommy has this. Jimmy has that. We never asked to be put onto your pedestals. We never asked to be glorified and vilified.

I say fuck that.

"Fuck that."

So what am I?

It happens again. I sit here, listening to a girl I want to date talk about the guy who played with her feelings, who used her for a month and then abandoned her.

I try to play ambassador for the male gender. Try to redeem my sex in some manner and fashion.

Suddenly all the instances just like this replay in my mind.

"I mean every guy...except you."

It was yet again the same old story.
Here I am, trying to redeem my gender and yet, I'm the exception.

So if I'm an exception to the male gender

...then what the hell am I?

A question

I sat at the table, Looking at all my family around me.
Everyone was quiet.

Some had a bowl to their mouths, others were chewing.

Yet no smiles. Just eating and silence.

Is this a real family?

...but doctor, I *AM* Pagliacci...

"Recitar! Mentre preso dal delirio,
non so più quel che dico,
e quel che faccio!
Eppur è d'uopo, sforzati!
Bah! Sei tu forse un uom?
Tu se' Pagliaccio!

Vesti la giubba,
e la faccia infarina.
La gente paga, e rider vuole qua.
E se Arlecchin t'invola Colombina,
ridi, Pagliaccio, e ognun applaudirà!
Tramuta in lazzi lo spasmo ed il pianto
in una smorfia il singhiozzo e 'l dolor, Ah!

Ridi, Pagliaccio,
sul tuo amore infranto!
Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!"


I am but a broken man, but the show must go on...

The Questionaire

He sat there tapping his pencil against he table.

The paper sat in front of him. It read "Where do you see yourself in the future."

He honestly did not know what to write. Every time he thought of something, a flaw would appear in the logic. This made deciding on something near impossible.

It should be said first that he was a logical person. Very logical. To him the world was a place that had a 99% explanation rating. Everything had a reason to it. The 1% then was that irrational anomaly which just could not be explained. In this 1% included: governments, emotions and women. Of course his future was included in this 1% as well.

He looked down again and sighed.

A Delay

A note to myself:

Due to being sick, the Word of the Day challenge will be postponed until further notice. Do please try to get back on track once your health has returned.

WotD: 3/29

bedaub, transitive verb;
1.To smudge over; to besmear or soil with anything thick and dirty.
2.To overdecorate; to ornament showily or excessively.


I have been told that those whose hearts shine the brightest, also cast the largest shadows. Just as strong as that light can shine, the shadow can easily overcome the light which holds it back.

I have always held my friends to a high standard, that is why they are my friends, but I hold myself to a higher standard, one which would seem silly and impractical to today's youth.

Honor. Always carry this. A person only has two things; their name and their word. Without one, the other cannot exist. Stand by your word and never waver from what you say you will do. If you cannot commit, do not offer commitment.

Loyalty. Stand tall and proud by those around you. These are the people who deeply impact your life. Surround yourself with positivity and encouragement, but also with people who are truthful with their judgments and criticisms. This way, you can grow. Stand by your words, they cannot be unsaid. It gives you integrity and credibility when you stand by your words.

Faith. Believe in something. Believe in yourself. If you can't believe in yourself, believe in something that will happen for yourself eventually. Beliefs keep people strong, they keep them focused. Belief is what built nations and continues to what they are today.

Despite these three tenets that I hold dear to my heart, and live by every day, there is room for the shadow. It grows and it breeds into something that can be uncontrollable.

Anger. When wronged, it is easy to fall into this. People don't think the same way you do. They should, but they won't. It builds and builds, until it reaches a boiling point and then suddenly you snap. Logic takes a back seat as you are blinded by a uncontrollable force which drives you to want to destroy.

Sadness. You feel alone. People don't think the way you do. It feels hard to live according to such strict standards. There is much wondering if it is worth the effort at all, when you try to live by such standards and make very little progress while everyone around you cheats, lies, plans and schemes and rides the fast lane. Uncertainty becomes a byproduct, and there is nobody who truly understands that deep loneliness and sadness that can envelop you.

Hate. The strongest darkness and shadow. When the light shines so brightly that even a small pebble can cast a mountainous shadow, this is the result. You wish ill on people, and you wish for that ill to actually occur. You become a dark and twisted version of yourself. Your rationality and humanity take a back seat to the ill you would wish on someone else. You become what you never want to be.

Newton theorized that for every action there is a equal and opposite reaction. Can this be said of the tenets I choose to live by?

-Light and Darkness exist side by side. We are told that light shall always prevail, but we must also acknowledge that night must fall.-